First Day of School

What a first day of school. Let's start with Kylee and Nolan. They were both up and ready to get their school year started. Kylee is starting her first year of middle school. Find it hard to believe that my oldest is in middle school. Nolan is starting 4th grade. Then there is Gibson who is starting preschool. This is the little boy who has been telling me for a long time that he is not going to school that he is going to Mema's every day. As soon as he got up this morning, he told me that he wasn't going to school. I tried not to say anything about school so I asked him what he wanted for breakfast...nothing, I'm not hungry. I then asked if he needed to go to potty before we got dressed....no he didn't need to go. We got him dressed, the whole time he tells me he isn't going to school. My mom shows up to get Blanche...Gibson cried and tells Mema that he is going with her. Mike keeps Gibson in the house while I take Blanche out and buckle her in Mom's car. Blanche starts crying wanting bubby. Okay, now the morning has become too much for this mommy to handle. My tears start flowing down my face. I start in the house to calm down before heading to preschool with Gibson. Gibson runs out the door, hollering for Mema to wait. Okay, my heart is breaking, maybe I should just skip sending Gibson to preschool and let him go to Mema and Grandpas for another year. But, then I would just be going through this again next year. Gibson rides to town with me, Mike drives his own truck since I'm going to work after dropping Gibson off. All the way to town Gibson tells me that he doesn't want to go to school and he isn't going to school. The whole time he tells me this he is staring at the family picture of all 6 of us. That makes my heart sad, so I'm fighting back tears. We get to town, Gibson doesn't want to get out of the Tahoe. Mike carries him into school, while Gibson says he isn't going. We put his blanket, and stuffed black lab dogs and his family picture in his cubby, so he will have some items to remind him of his family and that we love him. Mike got Gibson to go potty before we left him. I'm glad of that because he always goes to the bathroom when he gets up. We walked around his classroom for a little while, then I left with my baby boy saying mommy please don't leave me. Now what kind of mommy would I be if that didn't make me cry. Oh my...did I pour on the tears after I walked out of the building. Why is it that the dads can be so strong and hide emotions. It took me a while to calm down. I drove around town for a while before coming to work. I've broke down a few times here at work, but I'm trying to keep busy and NOT think about it. But, it is so hard. I can hardly wait for 5 o'clock, to get home and put my arms around Gibson, give hugs and kisses, tell him I love him and ask how his day was...I'm hoping he will respond with Mommy I had a good day.